Friday, February 4, 2011

One year.

Tomorrow marks one year since my grandfather passed away. What can I say except that he was my hero, the epitome of generosity and love, I miss him every single day and the last year has been harder than I could have ever imagined. Words cannot begin to express how grateful I am to have spent the past year (and the 4 prior) living in his home. Those four walls on 53rd Street were one of the few constants I had in my childhood and living there this past year without my grandfather has been difficult. I remember those first few nights so vividly - there was a strange silence and a sense of emptiness and feelings of loss that I had never felt in that house. And I hated it. I knew I had to do something to fill my time since I couldn't bear just to sit and be still. So I started cleaning and Lord knows there was a lot of that needed to be done! From the time I got home from work until the time I went bed, I went through closets and drawers and boxes and rooms. Spending that time going through my grandfather's belongings was most certainly therapeutic and led me to discover just how much I love giving new life to old things. That little hobby of mine has helped me more than I can possibly say. Looking back, I can't believe the sun has risen and set 365 times since that horrible morning but it's a reminder that life goes on and with each passing day it gets a little easier. I thank the Lord for carrying my family and I through this past year when we could barely walk and I trust Him to see us through the next. I recently found this quote from Memoirs of a Geisha that I'd like to end with...

"Grief is the most peculiar thing; we're so helpless in the face of it. It's like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it."

5 comments:

Our Little Family said...

You're such a great writer Rachel, and I can't even think of any good words to say. I WILL say that everything you create is beautiful and surely your grandfather's hand and love and spirit is in that work.

Love that quote, as well. While it's a different type of loss, it definitely resonates with me and the baby we lost.

Hugs,
Jill

Jamie Stavenger said...

What a wonderful thing, that his memory inspired all this creativity in you! We love seeing your projects come to fruition. Keep on keeping on...time doesn't heal all wounds, like they say, but by the grace of God, we keep pressing on!

Michelle said...

You are a wonderful granddaughter Rachel...and that doesn't change because you're grandpa isn't physically there anymore. You have honored him over and over again and I like to believe that our cloud of witnesses is filled with people we love...I pray that is the case for you as well. I love your blog posts and love them even more now that I know where they come from. Hugs my friend.

1997 Road Trip said...

Your posts are very well written.

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